That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
