the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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