just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
