I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Terrible idea I love it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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