i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
