I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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