Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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