My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
