Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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