go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
