this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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