fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
