I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
