i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm really busy with my period
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