I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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