last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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