My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
