I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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