Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
