Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize