Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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