you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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