We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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