I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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