I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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