the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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