If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sober January is a disaster.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
