I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
