Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hope mine doesn't look like that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
