you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
