my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
