Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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