love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
