i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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