WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
