I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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