Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
