Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't turn off my feet"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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