I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can i not drive my cunt home
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
