Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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