At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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