you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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