i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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