How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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