so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
