people are starting to question the shark bite story
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
