Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
