OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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