He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
