You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
