His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
