I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
