if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
