I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
