just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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