Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
