So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
