I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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