You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize