why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
