so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
